Many of the popular books I’ve read about managing children’s unpleasant behaviors (whining, tattling, screaming, tantruming, name-calling…) include a similar “strategy” for raising young children. Adults should ignore a child’s unwanted behaviors.
Ignore.
One logical (though incomplete) idea underlies this suggestion: children will continue with behaviors that meet their needs. If a child is trying to get attention by tantruming, Read more
The two friends playing dress up.
Raising children respectfully, intentionally, and reflectively can feel wearisome.
Amidst all of the literature offering force and coercion – how many minutes of time-out per infraction, the proper ways to maintain one’s parental authority, strategies to prevent children from manipulating the adults – all which ultimately destroy relationships and undermine competency, we wave our flags of non-violent guidance and stand firm. There is another way!
Problem solving fine motor games, like matching bolts and nuts, develops patience and tenacity when things get tough.
Long before I became a mother, before I entered the world of early childhood education, I had long conversations with friends about raising children, specifically, how to raise decent ones. Conversations like these were usually sparked by some horrendous spectacle at a restaurant, or shopping mall, or while walking down the sidewalk, and always came around to the conclusion that no matter what I did, my eventual children would never do or be anything less than I wanted them to be. Period. Anything else was a failure of parenting.
Oh, naive and ignorant younger me. Somewhere along the journey from that former self to where I am now, I came into a marvelous collection of books, resources, and amazing mentors in the field of early childhood education who shared a secret with me. To be successful as a parent, raising children who will grow up to be compassionate, capable, integrated souls, I needed entirely different methods: no physical punishments, no coercion cloaked as emotional management. I needed to teach my children how to get their needs met. As they grew clearer about how to meet their needs in pro-social ways, we would all be better off.
